Spike's Vampire Heart
by StarCrysis
Summary: This is a songfic based on H.I.M.'s Vampire Heart. It's a oneshot about Spike and his love for Buffy, how he'll never have her, how she'll always leave. Disclaimer in the story. Slight lemon, but more artistic then anything else. Rated M for paranoid.


**_Disclaimer: I do not own the song or the characters. All rights go to H.I.M. and Joss Whedon_**

_You can't escape the wrath of my heart  
Beating to your funeral song (You're so alone)  
All faith is lost for hell regained  
And love dust in the hands of shame (Just be brave)_

My heart flickered when she walked into my crypt, but it wasn't enough to hold back the angry words flowing out of my mouth. Every time she tells me it's over, every time I react like this, but I didn't this time. But now, now that she's back and changed her mind, it's all coming out again. She has a look of both hurt and anger in her eyes. Instead of replying, she leaves once again, a flushed look on her human face.

* * *

_Let me bleed you this song of my heart deformed  
And lead you along this path in the dark  
Where I belong 'till I feel your warmth_

I attempt sleep as I see the light forming outside under the cracks in the door. I drove her away, I should have been pulling her near. Sleep eluded me, and I found myself sitting crosslegged on the cold, concrete floor, with a pen in my hand. I was writing out my feelings, like I did in the old days. I shouldn't have feeling like this, but I do. If my heart could beat it would break my chest. That's what I said in the song, I remember as I write it down. I morph it into a morbid poem.

* * *

_Hold me  
Like you held on to life  
When all fears came alive and entombed me  
Love me  
Like you love the sun  
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart_

Memories of our last night together came rushing back. It should be giving me feelings of anger, but just made me feel more regret for shooing her away. Her milky white skin warming mine. My cold hands engulfing her hips as she rocked. And then, as quick as it happened, it was over, and she was gone, once again.

* * *

_I'll be the thorns on every rose  
You've been sent by hope (You'll grow cold)  
I am the nightmare waking you up  
From the dream of a dream of love (Just like before)_

My thoughts glided over to him. The nights he spent with her, something I'll never have. Her face radiating like sunlight as he grew near, and he threw it away like it was garbage. Anger flooded me again, this time because of my sire. How could he leave her like that? Then I remembered. I shoved her away too.

* * *

_Let me weep you this poem as Heaven's gates close  
Paint you my soul, scarred and alone  
Waiting for your kiss to take me back home_

I awoke in the evening. I sat up, my back aching, as I realized I had fallen asleep on the concrete floor of my crypt, surrounded by paper. Except it wasn't there. I abruptly sat up and frantically looked around my crypt. She was here. The papers in her hand; she was reading them! I stood up, angry and embarrassed. She looked up at me, her doe-like eyes seemingly almost in tears. My anger calmed down; I mean, how could it not? The very picture of beauty saw how I felt about her, and she cares.

* * *

_Hold me  
Like you held on to life  
When all fears came alive and entombed me  
Love me  
Like you love the sun  
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart_

It happened fast. The paper slid out of her hand as she stood up. She crashed her lips into mine. She pushed me against a wall, her body pressed into mine. I felt the warmth I could never feel without her. I closed my arms around her, lightly gripping her hair, her blonde locks tangled in my fingers. A small noise erupted from the back of her throat as my fingers slid under her clothes, resting on her sides.

* * *

_Hold me  
Like you held on to life  
When all fears came alive and entombed me  
Love me  
Like you love the sun  
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart_

Her hips rocked against mine as she pulled my black t-shirt off, momentarily breaking the kiss. Her body was small and lean beneath her hoodie, and I struggled to get it off through how flustered I was. Her warm hands glided down my chest, brushing against one of my sensitive nipples for a brief second. She was fumbling with my belt, and me with her bra. Upon removing those, her pants had disappeared along with mine. Skin on skin, I absorbed her warmth.

* * *

_Hold me (Like you held on to life)  
Like you held on to life  
(When all fears came alive and entombed me)  
My vampire heart_

I lifted her legs up, and she held onto my neck for support. I turned it around, pushing her against the wall, then crashing my rough lips into her soft ones as I entered her. The warmth was defeating, I suddenly had no thought process, just being. I thrusted, and she shook, breaking the kiss to emit a small moan. I dug my face into the crook of her neck.

* * *

__  
_Love me (Like you love the sun)  
Like you love the sun  
(Scorching the blood in my)  
My vampire heart_

The sweat began to gleam off of her as I worked, her moans becoming louder. I started to breathe shallow breaths, trying not to make sound. I grew closer, and her nails dug into my back, setting me off into a whirl of pleasure. I held her so tight I felt as though I could break her bones upon finishing. I let out a couple more unnecessary breaths into her neck and kissed it as tenderly as a vampire could. I looked into her eyes, which were half-closed and beautiful. I let her down. She almost lost balance upon landing; it was cute. We got dressed in silence, something that doesn't happen very often. I thought about how happy she made me. Upon leaving, she looked at me.

"I'm sorry, Spike. This can't happen again."


End file.
